JOKES
Joke and Joke and Joke all the way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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It's Fixed
My dad, an auto mechanic, received a repair order that read: "Check for clunking sound when going around corners."
Taking the car out for a test drive, he made a right turn, and a moment later he heard a clunk. He then made a left turn and again heard a clunk.
Back at the shop, he opened the car's trunk, and soon discovered the problem. Promptly he returned the repair order to the service manager with this notation: "Remove bowling ball from trunk".
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New Baby
Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm.
He asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?"
His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Johnny."
Johnny says, "WOW! I can see why they threw him out!"
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New Intel Chip
INTRODUCING the greatest and most powerful new chip out of INTEL's(TM) Microprocessor Labs: The Potato(TM) Chip.
Finally, with much fanfare, the newest upgrade to the best selling Pentium(TM) processor is released. The Potato(TM) Chip uses the latest in biochemical and electonic engineering. This newly developed organic microprocessor outshines the previous generation.
The Potato(TM) Chip has 100% more speed, 100% more memory, 1/10th the heat generation and 100000% more starch than the traditional 200Mhz PentiumPro(TM) Chip.
The new Potato(TM) Chip will soon be available in several flavors: Standard for the generic PC, Bar-b-que for those engineers and scientists who need an extra kick, Cajun for secretaries so that the engineers can drool over it, Sour-Cream and Onion for the very low end user, and Low Sodium for the laptop market.
Soon a modified version of the Potato(TM) Chip will be released for the Very High End Computing sector. The new chip will be used in powerful parallel and supercomputer systems. The chip will have a slightly modified shape, color, and will be stackable. This project is code named Pringles(TM).
Intel(TM) is beating out Motorola(TM) by two months for its own new chip: The Tortilla(TM) Chip. Industry insiders believe that the marketing hype for the Tortilla(TM) chip is overblown. Motorola's(TM) new chip is just too late and too underpowered compared to the Intel processor. In addition, the Tortilla(TM) is completely incompatible with the Potato(TM) Chip and is based upon a very different technology.
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Circle Flies
A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable.
Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The farmer said, "Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?" The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, "Well yeah, if that's what they are called -- I never heard of circle flies."
So the farmer says, "Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."
The trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute he stops and says, "Hey...wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horse's rear end?" The farmer says, "Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement to even think about calling you such a name."
The trooper says, "Well, that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the ticket. After a long pause, the farmer says, "Hard to fool them flies though."
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Newspaper Virus Alert
If you receive a newspaper with an article in it headlined "Budweiser Frog Dies", DO NOT READ IT.
Apparently it is a new sort of virus; the "Newspaper Virus". When this article is read, it will cause the printed characters on the newspaper to 'crash' , that is, come unglued, and fall in a big heap in your lap. This particular virus is very nasty in that it will re-infect any magazine or newspaper that you read afterwards, causing THEIR print to become unusable.
As well, any computer screen viewed with infected eyes will have all pixels on it fall in a pile onto the keyboard, rendering it inoperative. The New York Times this morning confirmed the existence of this virus. Microsoft and Reuters are now investigating it.
THIS VIRUS IS EXTREMELY DANGEROUS. THE UNITED STATES OPTICAL SOCIETY HAS ADVISED ALL READERS TO WEAR COBALT-SAMARIUM TINTED GLASSES BEFORE READING A NEWSPAPER.
PLEASE DO NOT PASS THIS MESSAGE USING E-MAIL, BUT PRINT IT OFF AND MAIL IT INSIDE A BROWN ENVELOPE TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN, USING THE U.S. POSTAL SERVICE!
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